For those I love…
As I write this I am preparing to relocate overseas next week for an unknown period of time. I am unbelievably excited to commence this new needed chapter in my life and to finally be on track to everything I ever wanted for myself. It is an opportunity I am forever grateful for especially after a decade that was marked my continuous setbacks. This is my golden ticket 12 years in the making.
But I am human and I am afraid about what I am leaving behind as I chase down my personal goals.
At 70 years old I worry about my Father. Dad is undeniably one of the most brilliant human beings I know. His intelligence is unparalleled; evident by gaining admittance to medical school at 16, speaking multiple languages and being artistically gifted as well. As a man who is constantly immersed in the world of books he is one of those rare people that you can ask any question, on any topic, and he will know the answer. What is more is that he always offers a different view on matters and encourages his children to look at things from another perspective. He does this all with a quiet calm, never raises his voice or passes judgement let alone an uninformed opinion.
But he is frail. At 70 he is still working every day because his career is everything to him and one he worked so hard for since he was a teenager applying for medical school all those decades ago. Even now he can be found in his study surrounded by his beloved books, the distinctive scent of his pipe fills the air as he completes his Master’s program. This man is an inspiration to me and having come from literally nothing he is a testament to what can be achieved with hard work and dedication. It is these lessons which I will take with me as I embark on this new adventure. I hope to make him proud.
But I am worried about his age and the ailments he has to deal with daily, as all children do when we start to see our parents as vulnerable human beings not just the invincible Mum and Dad.
There are a myriad of things I will miss about home: my fluffy baby Elma May who is loudly snoring beside me as I write this and my cheeky nieces who are the absolute light of my life: Evelyn, Trishy and Ruby I hope to make you proud too. I will miss my brothers who continue to astound me with their selflessness and their ability to make anyone laugh. Life is boring without you boys. I will miss my best friend of 27 years, Sarah one of the strongest women I know who inspires me continually with her independence and integrity. I will miss our chats. I will miss my Mother every day, a woman who is a constant pillar of support and strength, a woman that embodies everything a mother should be. I will miss Sydney, the smell of eucalyptus and the harbour which makes me feel so revitalized just being in its company. This land is part of me and no matter where I go Australia calls to me.
I am stepping into the unknown and though I have relocated several times before, flying out next Friday feels different, namely because there is no end date. With that said I have never been so confident about what awaits and the positive impact it will have on my life. If I have learnt anything in this time it is that none of us know what the future holds but we have to make the most of the opportunities that are presented to us no matter how difficult it is to let go of what is familiar and the people who are essentially our world.
My life changed very quickly when I returned to Australia from Ireland in March of this year. I was very lost at what my next move would be and was in a relationship that I truly believed was “it”, albeit long distance, with someone who I loved and trusted more than anyone before him. My heart was essentially back in London and after 1.5 years of discussion I was readying myself to move back to England with him at his many requests for a life together. But it all changed almost overnight to the point it will take a long time for me to fully grasp how someone can change their heart and mind so rapidly after telling you every day what you meant to them. It’s hard not to feel deceived or used. It is just life after all and people are complex.
As much as I don’t want to start this exciting chapter alone that is what life has dictated and given the opportunity that has presented itself there is nothing to complain about or lament over in the grand scheme of things. However, it is difficult to silence the voices of betrayal when you have stood by someone endlessly yet the moment you need them they elect not to be there for you. This truth will make it hard to trust someone again. You can’t make someone love you or see your value, but for anyone going through this please remember this does not equate to you being unlovable or worthless. I am incredibly thankful to be moving overseas at this point because once again travel will be my refuge. The world is after all the greatest love of my life.
Travel doesn’t judge you or make you feel disposable… it empowers you and reminds you to honour who you are. That is why I love it so.
I am anxious about my father but this does not make me weak, it makes me human, it makes me a daughter who at 30 wants him to be here eternally offering his wisdom and serene presence. Dad was one of the first to introduce me to this way of life; he was an expat for some time and has always travelled for work. I am my father’s daughter in more ways than one it seems. Given our ages he might not me there to walk me down the aisle one day, but my Father has walked by my side all my life and that means more to me than anything else.
Life changes quickly as do plans but always give yourself the opportunity to follow the complexities of your heart and desires for your life. Long term travel comes with sacrifice, as does any choice we make in this life but remember the greater the challenge the greater the reward.
Take the road less travelled.